Bound By Oath To Obey
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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "lord_andronicus" journal:[<< Previous 10 entries]
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09:44 am
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Again
Yet again. Another year has passed, things are as they were. See the previous entries if you're so interested in what goes on around here.
This is not to say things don't happen, because they do. This is the Mortal realm after all, and Mortals are the most idiotic beings ever created.
Time passes as time does, and I am still here.
Still.
Current Mood:  annoyed
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04:13 pm
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Amazing What Dinner Leads To
A simple dinner on the eve of the last day of the human year led to this. It was decided that those of us who maintain such should make one last entry in our journals before this year ends, if only to mock acknowledge the human passage of time and end of yet another year here on this plane. Cate, who is beyond illiterate when it comes to computers, doesn't have to take such into consideration - the fact that she has no journal to update, that is.
In truth, I haven't said anything here because I have nothing to say. Existence, such as it is, continues. I truly wonder how you humans do this.
I have heard a phrase for it - "daily grind". Now, admittedly, the only "grind" I'm familiar with is the sharpening of various implements, be they my kitchen knives or a battle axe, or what I do with the fresh coffee beans I use to make Catherine a decent pot of coffee when she remembers she'd like one should she pull herself away from her art long enough to want one.
I'm highly tempted to lecture you people here on the proper way to brew this beverage, but I realize the futility of such. Most of you don't know a bad cup of coffee from a good one, and don't care either way. To you, it's coffee, and that's all that matters.
There are few things that bring me pleasure in this realm, but seeing the look on Cate's face when I destroy one of her preconceptions about anything is one of them.
Once decently-brewed cup of coffee and I shattered her notion of what "coffee" is forever.
I'm not a Lord for nothing.
Current Mood:  amused
Current Music: None
Tags: decent food and drink, humans, shattering preconceptions
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06:50 pm
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Amusement
There are few things in this Mortal world that amuse me, but the discomfit of ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1) kailkirilron is one of them.
Soon the world will see him for what he truly is.
Then we'll see if they still adore him as much as they did when he was first introduced.
If I didn't know any better, I would say that soulless vampire was concerned about such.
And that is intensely amusing.
-Andronicus, Lord General
Current Mood: amused
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09:01 am
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Done at the insistence of those I must endure.
| My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul |
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| lord_andronicus goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as his true demonic form.. | | acheronp gives you 17 dark blue tropical-flavoured gummy worms. | | aoyagi tricks you! You get a rock. | | aylaleia tricks you! You get a wad of paper. | | dina_james tricks you! You lose 15 pieces of candy! | | elegaer tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy! | | enchanter gives you 8 mauve coffee-flavoured nuggets. | | in_exadus tricks you! You get a piece of paper. | | menessa gives you 4 red lime-flavoured jawbreakers. | | zarek_of_moesia gives you 7 mottled green banana-flavoured nuggets. | | lord_andronicus ends up with 20 pieces of candy, a rock, a wad of paper, and a piece of paper. | | Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern. |
Current Mood: annoyed
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01:56 pm
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No Excuses
Though I do not have a great deal of use for the defective runt (rambo_hellhound) on most days, and for the most part despise the television he is so enamored with, there are, on occasion, a few interesting things that you Mortals come up with.
Cooking, for a start, is one of your finer accomplishments.
I will share with you now an exquisite recipe even the most cooking-inept of you should be able to manage.
Go here for the link you can easily print out in one of several formats, or simply copy it here. Then go immediately to your grocer, purchase the ingredients, and make it for yourself for your evening meal tonight.
You humans are so fragile - you require so much. Three meals a day, for instance, and a significant restorative period. The least you can do is insure that the nourishment you ingest is palatable. I assure you, the following is much more than merely palatable.
( Recipe )
~Fin~
Of course, the defective runt won't eat "meat-things", so he misses out on the sausage balls. His loss. If you're dining with him, however, and thankfully (unless you're somehow unfortunate this evening or any other) you're not, make triple the amount of the potatoes and broccolini for him in addition to what you make for yourself. It's a good idea to get three times the ingredients anyway for that purpose.
Now, go forth and make acceptable food. It's the one decent thing you Mortals have on this plane, and so few of you are competent at making it.
-Andronicus, Lord General
Current Location: Where else?
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: That's someone else's idea of "decent"
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08:14 pm
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The Little Human Who Could
Dina James actually got published.
Paranormal romance is a supernatural force to be reckoned with. Packed with a menagerie of werewolves, shape-shifters, and assorted demons, its undisputed king is none other than our favorite centuries-old bloodsucker—the vampire.
Let the biggest and brightest names in the paranormal romance business show you the bewildering array of complex vampire codes of conduct, dark ritual, and dating practices, as they chat up the locals and engage in the most erotic encounters you will sink your teeth into this side of un-Death. These ain’t your mother’s vampires!
In a quickly expanding genre, here are 30 short stories of hot blood and inhuman passions. (Amazon.com)
Vampires have dating practices? Oh, that's almost as amusing as calling them "vampires". This is going to provide all kind of amusement.
Kyle is of course the entire reason behind this, or so Dina would say. If it weren't for me, though, Kyle wouldn't even have introduced himself to Dina. That doesn't stop Kyle from being smug, of course. He can't stop smirking and looking insufferably pleased with himself.
So really, her getting published is due to me. I always knew she had it in her. It's why I chose her to write my own Chronicle. And what does she do?
Go with the "sexy" guy.
Humans. *shakes head*
Anyway, buy her little book and make her feel good about herself so she'll GET OFF HER FAT LAZY ASS and write a *real* story.
Mine.
-Andronicus, Lord General
Current Mood: amused
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11:55 pm
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Pissing People Off
*smirk* Humans. You just don't get it, do you?
At least you provide some occasional amusement.
-Andronicus, Lord General
Current Mood: amused
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11:56 am
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Brilliantly Evil...for a Mortal
I don't know what I'm meant to say here. I suppose I should say something. I'm glad the Chronicler dina_james has finally gotten off her fat human ass and is writing something. I suppose I should...congratulate menessa on her evilly brilliant scheme to wrest the actual query from the Chronicler so that said Chronicler actually has someone to be accountable to.
It's about fucking time. This January, it will be seven years since I introduced myself to Dina James and told her my story.
7 years in the Mortal Realm. You little talking monkeys suck, but at least you're amusing. Betimes.
-Andronicus, Lord General
Current Mood: annoyed
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07:15 pm
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*scowl*
Well, it seems the fire I lit under my chronicler has died and is unable to be fanned. She was making progress too.
Human apathy. I don't get it. I mean, what kind of excuse is "I don't feel like it"? Just write what I tell you, damn it.
What do you mean it has to be readable? Reasonable?
Oh, fuck you. I give up on her.
Current Mood: disgusted
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12:35 am
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Mortals
You Humans suck. No, really. You're frail. You're stupid. You're the lowest form of life. My Master and over half of Heaven's host rebelled because the Creator saw fit to treasure you pitiful sickening creatures above all things that he created.
That doesn't speak well for his standards, now does it? No wonder my Master revolted. He *was* revolted. As am I.
You disgusting little meatpuppets are amusing, however. But as dina_james is so fond of saying, the stupid kills the funny.
I can understand why my chronicler's most damning insult for her human brethren (Though she will take high insult to the fact that she is in any way a part of the human race. I like to annoy her with that unfortunate reality.) is to call you "Mortals". Because she understands what sad little beings you are. It's why I chose her to write my story. She among all you hairless apes understands best my position here among you.
Now, if she would get OFF HER ASS and finish telling my story, the rest of you could try and wrap what teaspoon of brains you have around the fact that you all. fucking. suck.
Mortals.
Current Location: Still Not Hell
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Who the fuck listens to Sinead O'Connor anymore? Cate, that's who.
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